February 25, 2009


Many of you know the enormous (it feels enormous to me) struggle I'm facing now. . . . have been facing for a while, really. If you don't know the details, well, I'm facing an enormous struggle right now, have been for a while.

Several of the incredible people whom I've confided in and talked with over time have mentioned something about how strong I am, or how they don't know how I 'do it' or have lasted this long.

While it is nice and so so encouraging to hear those sentiments spoken by the people I love, I realized something about what they were saying.

It is not my strength.

I have this funny image that I often think of. It's me. Riding piggy-back. On God's back. On the beach. Sometimes He even jogs a little to make me giggle.

A couple of years ago, before I had any idea how long this road would be, and I thought I was at the end of my rope and there was no way I could go on, I thought of the Footprints in the Sand poem and how I was at a time in my life I needed God to carry me. But instead of being cradled in His arms like one might carry a baby, I saw myself clinging to His back.

I remember imagining the silly invitation: "Hop on girl! I'll carry you!" There's even a small East Texas twang so it sounds more like "Hawpon gerl!" As if we were about to compete in some raucous piggy-back race at a family reunion.

It is not my strength.

Since then, I'm pretty sure I've jumped down and walked beside Him on my own two feet. There were times I looked back to see my footprints had veered away from His. But His were always over there, a steady consistent path, usually near the water, sometimes walking on it. just kidding

But I've continued to imagine myself hopping on to be carried. Sometimes for long periods of time, sometimes for just an hour.

It is not my strength.

Focusing intentionally on my spiritual walk has caused me to understand more fully the Truth that I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13) And that I would be nothing but a sad soggy pancake without Him.

All I have to do is turn to Him. Every time I ask, He gives me what I need. Patience, understanding, peace, sleep, clarity, shelter, relief, joy, hope, faith, a ride.

It is not my strength.


1 comment:

Amy Butler said...