October 05, 2009


Be forewarned, this may seem a long and disjointed entry. I haven't written in a while. Sometimes there are so many things going around and around in my head, it's hard to get them out in a coherent way. Courage.

Life is like a trampoline. You gotta jump on it. - Angela

I've been listening to the album titled East, from a collection of four -- North, South, East and West -- that my dear friend, her wise soul and beautiful heart, created for me two (or three depending on how you count it) summers ago, for our drive that ended in me leaving her 1,500 miles out of arm's reach. My, how time fills up. I'm sitting here, looking at all the prints of clouds she's given me. Clouds...a frequent subject of her photography, ever-changing, becoming something different, moving. Transfigure.

East may be the most melancholy of the four albums, which may explain my mood. North is good for long driving through wide spaces, listening loud and singing louder. South is comforting, sounds like home. West is invigorating, progress. East is good for reflection. Being.

I'm sure I didn't think this up, but I can't remember where I read or heard it: the idea of being broken and healing. I must be broken to ever know the full grace of healing. I must first be shattered to be put back together. Like a seed in the circle of life, wholeness only comes once I've been planted, cracked open, take root, watered, blossom, grow fruit, ripen for the harvest. We must break the bread to share and be nourished by it. Our hearts break open only because we know the fullness of love. Cultivate.

I have become like broken pottery. - Psalm 31:12

I am ready for this time in my life to be over. It was suggested recently that I try to live in it, not through it. After noodling that, I'm not sure there is a difference. It's like telling a fish to live in the water, not swim through it. I get the point: live in the now. But, living in the now also means living through whatever Now happens to be. Emerge.

Diamonds, roses, I need Moses to cross this sea of loneliness, part this Red River of pain. I don't necessarily buy any key to the future or happiness. But I need a little place in the sun sometimes or I think I will die. - Moses, Patty Griffin

Fall is upon us. Cooler weather. Longer nights. Harvest.

I could go crazy on a night like tonight. Summer's beginning to give up her fight. When every thought's a possibility. Voices are heard but nothing is seen. - Mystery, Indigo Girls

I was cleaning out my closet last night, and remembered this quote, although I can't remember who said it. "In some seasons of life, I forget who I am and throw away all the wrong things." I hope I'm not throwing away any of the wrong things. Prune.

...a time to keep and a time to throw away... Ecclesiastes 3:6

There are things in my tiny world, like every person's world, that suffocate my heart. They are not my circumstances. They are not circumstances that I loath, nor circumstances without Hope. But the things I wish others simply did not have to bear. Because I know how it feels. The weight of Love. The heft of Hope. The hardness of Pride. The burden of Faith. The cold of loneliness. The warmth from the light of Truth. Share.

Strange how hard it rains now. Rows and rows of big dark clouds. But I'm holding on underneath this shroud. - Rain, Patty Griffin

Life is not all dark clouds and brokenness. My world abounds with blessings and thanksgivings, miracles and provisions, light and joy. Healing. Wholeness. Bits and pieces coming together one by one. My prayers of late are whispers of hallelujah. Diligence.

I'm dying to put a little bit of sunshine in your life.
Soleil all over you, warm sun pours over me. - The Shining, Badly Drawn Boy

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