THE DAY I OVERHEARD CRAPPER (DAY 1)

Last night my firm hosted its 9th annual fundraiser. Coordinating and organizing this event is a big part of my job, and every year all of the planning and preparation I have done over the last ten months culminates in a wonderfully enjoyable evening.

We hold the dinner at a swanky downtown venue every year. It's a fancy old club on the top floor of an office building showcasing spectacular views of Austin. It's a place where politicians and high-powered business people negotiate over cocktails and dinner.

Huge J. Harvey originals hang on the walls along side funky abstracts by local artists. Plush arm chairs, rich dark furniture, ornate lighting fixtures and jazzy lounge music add to the ambiance.

I always love primping in the huge bathroom before guests arrive. It's so lavish and makes me feel like I'm in Paris in 1893. The walls are upholstered and there are two seating areas with ladylike chaises. The stalls are in another area and are each very private. And as you can see, there are ample opportunities to view oneself from any angle.



Do you like my pose? I learned that from all those US Weekly magazines - the most flattering position in which to stand and be photographed.

And how 'bout that beautiful string o' pearls? Yesterday morning I was telling my boss how I had tried to channel my sister's accessorizing sense, but in the end I just didn't have a necklace that would do. Luckily my boss happened to have an extra string of pearls with her. Voila! I think this would have Renee's stamp of approval. I was glad because you kind of feel like you must be properly adorned to enter this bathroom.

After dinner, as we bid our guests farewell, two women were entering the lavish lavatory. Mind you, these are two mature women who have just attended a fundraiser where they donated a nice sum of money and are certainly properly adorned. As they pushed the door open, I overheard one of them say exclaim loudly to the other "Well, I've got to see what a $72,000 crapper looks like!" I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.