THAT MIGHT NEED A BAND-AID

Poor Scoopie was hurt today while playing in the yard. She got a pretty huge gash on her hip, down to the bone. I could recount the long dramatic version of the story; but is was, surprisingly, not that dramatic. I heard the dogs making a bunch of noise, called them inside, saw the blood and the gash, went to the vet, the end. The vet said it looks like she got tangled in barbed wire. She had to be put under while they sutured her muscle and skin. Yes I said muscle, they had to sew her muscle back together, people. That is gross. The vet actually said to me "If you check around the spot where she was caught, you might find some flesh." Ummm, excuse me dear Dr. Veterinarian, but did I not mention that I have this little problem where the thought of flesh hanging around on barbed wire in my back yard just might cause me to faint right here in your waiting room?

We made it home without incident and Scoop is resting now. I don't think she feels too good, but Sadie-girl is taking care of her.

I took a video in hopes of showing you how pitiful my little baby-dog is right now (translate to: how cute I think she is, still woozy from the anesthesia and just laying in the chair whimpering). Sadie jumped up in the chair beside her and licked Scoop's face for a little bit. It was very sweet. But the video is too long or something, because it won't upload.

Just so you won't feel overwhelmed with pity for Scoopie, I'll help you spread the pity around by telling you that I had to have a mole removed on Wednesday - probably one of my top 5 least favorite things to do, right up there with walking barefoot on hot asphalt while guzzling Big Red and listening to a heavy metal band. But the wound is healing, and luckily, I've graduated from this:



to this:

A THORNE BY ANY OTHER NAME

Here's a picture of me and Renee' and Little Girl Robertson (sort-of) from this weekend. We had a wonderful gathering of family. It struck me that, not only has our family grown so much in the last few years, but everyone has taken on new familial titles. New titles include Fill-inthe-blank-in-Law, wife and husband, Dad and Mom, Parents, Aunt and Uncle, expectant parents, Great-granny, Nanie and Grandad, Great Aunt and Uncle, Second cousins. . . Even little Aubrey has a new title; she hasn't always been a Sister!

The only person who hasn't gained a new title is Pete. He's been a son, brother, grandson, great-grandson, nephew, great-nephew, cousin, second-cousin and dog-owner, all since the day he was born. I was trying to think of what new title he might gain in the near future, but I think he's stuck until he becomes a boyfriend. And with all his charm, that probably won't be long!

This face makes my soul want to eat chocolate pudding.

IF YOU CAN'T HEAR ME IT'S BECAUSE I'M IN PARENTHESES

. . . but sometimes I think God is giving me some very good insight into what it means to be a momma. Let's see, there was that time Scoop pooped (and when I say pooped, I mean diarrhead) all over the dining room floor, and well. . . you can't just leave it there; and all those evenings she gets restless and wants to be entertained (as if I don't have anything better to do than get on my hands and knees and retrieve toys out from under the couch); and, oh yeah, when the neighbors come over t.w.i.c.e. to explain that your 'child' has almost caused an accident because they were playing in the street unsupervised (i.e. a nice way to say she is the neighborhood hoodlum and you are a bad parent); and like that time she knocked over and shattered one of my very favoritest most special wine glasses that I love and are probably the best thing I've ever picked out in my whole life (except maybe for when I picked out Sadie) and there was also red wine in that glass, and well. . . you can't just leave it there; and every morning at 5:00 a.m. when she jumps on the bed to cuddle (which really means "Hi momma, let me lay here on your head with my bony elbows in your ribs and breath heavily into your ear. Isn't this cozy?"); and also that time at 3:30 a.m. (why is it always in the wee hours?) when she yakked up her partially-digested dinner on the new carpet, and well. . . you can't just leave it there; but at the end of the day (even that day she chewed up my favorite pair of heels) I wouldn't trade her for anything in the Whole Wide World except maybe a beach vacation, during which time she would stay at Happy Mailman, and I would eventually go pick her up because, well, you can't just leave her there. . .

ONE HUNDRED THINGS - THE FINAL FRONTIER: 76 - 100

FINALLY! This last bit was pretty hard.

76. be a contestant on The Price is Right; I can hear it now, "Angela Bussey, COME ON DOWN!"

77. get my real estate license and live my own version of House Hunters every day

78. meet Johnny Depp

79. be the $10,000 winner on America's Funniest Videos, mostly so I can know what it's like to have 100 pounds of confetti dumped on me

80. participate in the world's largest contemporaneous performance of Michael Jackson's Thriller dance on October 25, 2008 in honor of the 25th anniversary of MJ's first getting, shall we say, spooky (you can too! ThrillTheWorld.com) mmwwaahahaaha, mwwwaaaahhahaahaa

81. perfect a Thrillah laugh to use in movie theaters when it's very dark

82. did you know that Scoopie is an outie? did you even know dogs could be an innie or an outie? I didn't. Aaron showed me. Knowing that is about as useful as me trying to think of item #82 for this list.

83. Onward!

84. attend Pete Silverthorne's college graduation where he will receive High Honors for Smartness, Likability and Height and be granted the Magic Wand of Science and Exploration because he figured out how to clean dirt particles so no one would ever have to vacuum again. ever.

85. eat only hot dogs for an entire week; I would allow myself to change up the condiments. (I know, right? Whew! on that one. Good thing I slipped in that caveat. I mean how hard would it be to eat only hot dogs for an entire week if you couldn't change up the condiments?!)

86. change every lightbulb in my house to a Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb; partially to save energy, but mostly so my lights wouldn't burn out for like, 100 years. If I were to sell the house, I would make that a feature. "House boasts tall ceilings, double-sided fireplace and CFLs in every light fixture!"

87. find the car keys I lost 3 weeks ago; not only did I lose the car key on that key ring, but also my very important Gym swipee card thingy that I used almost six times a year AND more importantly my Library swipee card thingy that allowed me to NOT have to carry around that dreadfully cumbersome wallet sized library card. Ugh! (note: since I wrote this my keys have been found, but I am not deleting this valuable list item; I will however mark it as complete! And I will take a picture of me with my keys this evening.)

88. join Facebook so I can play Scrabulous with Jess (note: since I wrote this, I have also accomplished this item. This last 25 took me waaaay too long to think up.)

89. learn all the Presidents of the United States and something about each one; here is what I know so far: 1. George Washington, was the first Prezzy 2. John Adams, said nations and people are forged in the fires of adversity 3. Thomas Jefferson, more than a decade before becoming President he drafted the Declaration of Independence 4. James Madison?? This is where I fall off the Presidential wagon

90. learn about astrology and the signs of the Zodiac and characteristics of each, I'm a Virgo.

92. shop for prom dresses with my nieces

93. live in NYC; I would love to live in Manhattan; I would walk in Central Park every day and visit museums on the discount admission days and window shop on 5th Avenue and sit in Battery Park during lunch to people watch and spend Sundays browsing shops in Greenwich and enjoy the night energy in Times Square and be swept away by musicals on Broadway and buy sussies for my peeps on Canal Street.

94. have a New Year's Eve kiss in Times Square

95. stay in a hostel (if you suddenly have the urge to remind me about the movie Hostel, please be advised that I may involuntarily vomit on you so that you'll stop talking about it)

96. own a bookstore in downtown Austin so all the people who work nearby can walk to the bookstore and browse the new paperbacks, pick up a gift, flip through a magazine, make-out behind the shelves, pick-up a light read for their upcoming vacation, stick their nose in a book and get high on the new-book smell

97. sing "You Are My Sunshine" during Mardi Gras in New Orleans

98. knit a dragon for Pete, a ladybug for Aubrey, and something for Little Girl Robertson - note: this will probably take me my entire life

99. go to sunny Mexico for my 30th birthday. . . dream BIG, people, dream big. . .

100. lay across a grand piano in a fancy gown and swoon a melancholy love song note: the credit for this one lies squarely with Audrey

VOILA! Those are 100 things I might like to do before I kick the bucket, bite the dust, depart from this Earth, meet my maker, breathe my last breath, am as dead as a doornail, dance in the clouds, turn to dust, get six-feet under.

Also, if you noticed that there are really only 99 items on this list, you are very astute. And you deserve three gold stars for reading all the way to the end. The End.

LITTLE AUDREY IN THE BIG CITY

Washington, D.C.

SUSHI HIGH

We celebrated Justy Tator and Jess' birthday at Uchi last night. We missed the actual presence of Jessica's Taurus heart, but her spirit was there. Her sake was also there; but don't worry, I drank it for her so she wouldn't have bad sake luck.

Look for Audrey and me in the upcoming issue of US magazine in the "Stars: They're just like us" section. Three, count 'em, THREE celebrities were there getting high on raw fish and wasabi. As we were seated, I recognized Richard Garriott. Then, Audrey stifled her excitement as Jennifer Coolidge walked in. When Aaron came back from the bathroom, he casually mentioned that Heather Graham was sitting right over there in that booth. I dared Taylor to go up to Ms. Graham and say "I don't recall your name, but your fez is familiar?"

Audrey and I made sure to look extra cute using chopsticks just in case paparazzi were lurking.

THE HEAT IS ON

Barely ten days into May and it is 96° outside and feels like it's 103°.
I ♥ Texas.

WILBUR, MEET SABER

Aaron found some of his childhood toys in his parents' attic recently, one being a miniature farm play set. There are a million little plastic figurines mixed and matched from different sets. Dumping the box out, I wondered how many birthdays and Christmases he must have opened a gift to find another set of plastic farm animals to add to his collection.

We sorted through the animals and army guys, cowboys and Indians, tiny milk buckets and hay stacks, fence pieces and teeny birds that "sit" on the fence. I picked out my favorites and set up this barn-yard seen.

It reminded me of Homer Zuckerman's farm.


Here's Samuel the Sheep


And Gussy the Goose with all her goslings (except I think these are actually ducks)


Fern and Wilbur


And this is my favorite figurine, The Saber tooth Tiger. There wasn't a saber tooth on the Zuckerman farm, but I couldn't leave him out of my scene. After all the other animals went back in the box, Saber found a permanent home on my kitchen window sill.

IN ROOM DINING

I had the pleasure of staying a the W Hotel in Dallas for a few nights recently. I arrived late Thursday evening, valeted my car, checked in, found my room, jumped butt-first onto each of the full-sized beds to test the fluffiness then proceeded to order room service for dinner.

Room Rate: $235

Valet Parking: $24

A big juicy burger and fries delivered right to my door on a neat tray with personal-sized condiments: $35

Savoring every bite while sinking further and further into the cloudiness of that big bed and thinking "Why, I might just fall asleep right here with ketchup on my chin and share the covers with this beautiful burger all night.": Priceless

PROUD MAMA

Sadie and Scoopie went for a membership interview at the kennel where they are staying this weekend. The kennel requires all new dogs to have a play-day before they can stay overnight to ensure the safety and compatibility of all dogs staying with Happy Mailman.

When I dropped them off yesterday morning, I was surprised at how I felt leaving them. I was the tiniest bit anxious because I just had no idea how they would react or behave in a totally new environment with strangers and lots of unfamiliar dogs. I wasn't worried that they wouldn't be well taken care of, or afraid that something bad would happen. I just wanted what any parent wants - for their kids to be as good and sweet around new people as they are around their family and friends.

Yesterday evening, I was excited to pick them up and find out how their first day of school went. I was so happy to find out my girls were on their best behavior and made some new friends. They are such good baby-dogs. Here is their report card.

(click for larger view)


Here they are after their long day of playing with new friends. T.I.R.E.D.
I understand, now, why some people pay to take their dogs to doggy day care regularly.