July 02, 2010

peeled like a banana

This is a grasshopper.

Let me tell you a story about this grasshopper.

Picture if you will: It’s mid-morning, the sun is bright, the clouds are fluffy and the New Mexico state line is only a few hours away. Aaron and I are zooming along, nary another motorist on the open road, I’m jabbering about something very important, like how I think I’m past the awkward stage of growing out my hair and I’m actually starting to like it again and it looks pretty normal in a pony-tail and I think I can even do a French braid without all the too-short neck strands sticking out, but is a French braid okay for a 31-year old or is that only for tennis players and small people, when all of a sudden...

EEERRRRRRT just like that we have screeched to a halt on the side of the road.

At first I thought Aaron was going to turn to the back seat and exclaim to the duffel bags and snack cooler “If you kids don’t stop fighting I’m going to turn this van around and nobody gets to meet Mickey Mouse!”

But then I realized we were quickly reversing along the shoulder of I-10.

I don’t know exactly how far we reversed, but I’d say from previous word problem experience, that given the time it takes to alarmingly decelerate from 75 mph and reverse back to the point you began to decelerate, it was about, oh, maybe, I don’t know, like a quarter mile? A hundred yards? I really have no idea.

I do know it was long enough for me to say something along the lines of whatarewedoing whathappened what’sgoingon iseverythingokay ohmygosh isthereadeadbodyrolledincarpetonthesideoftheroad what’shappening didsomethingflyoffthecar didweforgetsomething?!

Please note that up to this point Aaron had not said A. Single. Word.

Luckily, just before my bulging panicky eyes pop out of my head and my neck breaks from whipping my head around to see out of the car in every possible direction to find out what has caused this sudden backwards driving down the Interstate, the car comes to a stop and Aaron undramatically says "see that grasshopper?"

So yes. Aaron spotted a grasshopper while driving 75 mph. A grasshopper which God wonderfully and strategically created to blend in to its environment. Are you surprised? Because I wasn't. And then Aaron was able to reverse to the exact spot and see it again! I know objects in mirror are closer than they appear, but really Aaron just has Eagle eyes. Regarding this talent, he says "just look for something that doesn't belong."

After the grasshopper inspection and photoshoot we were back on our way and I decided to play the spot-things-on-the-road-that-don't-belong game. Only my version consists of enthusiastically hollering out what I see. Things like PIECE OF TIRE!  SONIC BAG LITTER!  STRAY TRAFFIC CONE!

I kept asking Aaron if he had spotted each item before I yelled pointed it out. But he was busy concentrating on not running over all the helpless little ants crossing the road.